A Soldier's Mother

Dr. Tamar El Or

I want to think loudly about the concept - "to speak as a soldier's mother". With my thinking loudly, I want to demonstrate some things:
a) The place from which one speaks as a "soldier's mother", is a metaphoric place. That means - You don't have to BE a mother, neither a woman, or even a parent - to speak from this place.
b) Nevertheless you dont have to BE a soldier's mother, to SPEAK like a soldier's mother - most of the speakers are females and have some kind of experience as a soldier's mother.
c) This metaphoric speaking as a soldier's mother has a logic and moral potential. You may speak from there with a clear voice and a fresh thinking, unconventional and full of understanding.
d) Those who spoke as soldier's mothers, through local or general history, payed a high price for their stubborn trying to speak in the exact sounds of this voice. But they had an influence on politics, changed thinking patterns, and created new horizons.
So, what IS - speaking like a Soldier' Mother?
In fact, these words have - in itself - a contradictional meaning.
What IS the meaning of this strange connection? Why does a soldier need a mother? He needs arms, a commandant, a mission, a unit, training...
And a mother? What is SHE?
There is a certain age when joungsters are allowed to leave, to bee free.
This is a big child. Isn't it? He chooses his choices, has his wishes.
What has a mother to do here?
A mother is a baby's mother, a child's, a grandchild's - but - what about a SOLDIER'S mother??
This paradox may also combine contradictory facts. A combination of a commitment which has no limits in a whole lifetime , the worrying about her whomb's fruit, the understanding of his different needs - together with the
recognition of his real place in his social media.
The philosopher Sara Rodick wrote a book in the early 80's, which is called
"Motherly Thinking". In this book she describes the means in which a mother fullfills her task, and the outcoming consciousness about it.
As a marxist she believes that the content of the existence forms the consciousness. That means - the craft itself, the concern, and all the other tasks related with bringing the child to an adult stage - creates the
"consciousness" of the "worker".
Everybody may be a"worker" of this kind. But nowadays, in our world, most of the "workers" are females.
In this kind of work, and the outcoming consciousness, things are seen very clearly. It is clear what to do to avoid a child falling out of a wibdow, drinking gas-oil, or doing evil things to a friend.
Children have a lot of enemies: disease, poorness, a hostil surrounding -and, as Sara Mordick believes - wars.
Wars are mother's biggest enemies.
To be a "soldier's mother" means being a mother of somebody who is in a state which endangers the mother's craft.
But, from the moment the son belongs to the system which endangers his life - ( and other's too) - the mother is endebted to him and to those who endarger him, too. ( Because those are a part of him too).
As she loves him, she has to love the endangerers too.
She feels empathy and committment for them, as her son is a soldier and belongs to their system.
Here is her hidden advantage. She speaks from a place with a double responsability. She sees the picture twice, and can change it whenever she wants.
Once she sees the son, and once she sees the soldier. She has a double loyality. She is endebted, not only to her son, but also to his whole framework. She may be blamed to be a traitor, a defeater, a demoraliser, weakening the camp. They call her hysteric, a screamer, a romantic person, a nag...
It is sayed she doesn't understand, she speaks out of her whomb instead of her head, that her language is sentimental..
Sometimes she is treated softly, pitifully, she is overprotected..this is mostly true if she has "payed her price"...( because you don't judge a person in his grief)…
But she sees further, her wide thinking crosses slogans, discovers falseness, distortion and lies.
Her double leality - to her son as a soldier and to the soldier as a son-creates two mothers in her. Sometimes these two mothers have a fight, sometimes they stop speaking one to the other..because their tasks are different.
And suddenly there comes a day when she can't go on with the two of them inside her. She makes them look one into the other's eyes, and say the truth.
When this happens - this certain gaze of a "soldier's mother" is born. And from then on, she sees things clearly. Suddenly she knows the difference between what is necessary and what is superfluous.
"Four Mothers", like "Mothers against Silence" ( during the lebanon war ) or "Wimen in black ( in the "Intifada" years ), see clearly.
Looking backwards, now it can be seen that these last two movement's positions were adopted by leaders. But, like allways, the price is too high, and comes too late.
It looks like this time it is just the same: generals and politicians do understand this certain gaze of the "soldier's mother", too late.
But - as written - "better late than never"...
Take this gaze, make it your's, work in his light.
We don't look for credit. We do our work.